Attraction is an Emotion, Not a Conscious Decision

Attraction is an Emotion, Not a Conscious Decision

When we experience attraction to someone, our brain is letting us know that we have found a suitable sexual partner, someone who resembles all previous partners through the thousands of generations that came before us, an individual who is valuable for our genes, who has traits that will help us survive and reproduce more successfully than we could on our own.

Attraction is one of the primal emotions that have helped humanity survive and reproduce, and it is triggered in our bodies in much the same way as other primal emotions, such as hunger, fatigue, and fear. We feel each primal emotion in specific circumstances and we are powerless to convince ourselves not to feel the emotion. These emotions are instincts that have evolved in our species along with our brains over a long period of time (around two million years), growing stronger in every generation because those who felt them for the right reasons and responded to them were more likely to survive. Those who feared danger were obviously more likely to stay alive than those who did not, and those who were attracted to a person who could help them survive and reproduce were obviously more likely to pass on their genes.

Life has been much less forgiving for the vast majority of the time our species has been evolving than it is now, and in the distant past people simply died if they were unfit. Over time, no one other than those with all survival instincts passed their genes on.

However, during the last several thousand years, since the dawn of civilization, nature has ceased to eliminate the most unattractive males and females as our conditions have improved. Today, everyone survives no matter how unfit, and most people live long enough to reproduce through some means to pass their genes on—two things they would not have been able to do in the past in a more natural environment without social security and health care. This was the harsh reality for more than 99.99% of humanity’s time on this planet. Yet, the fact that life is more forgiving these days has no effect on our instincts, including attraction, because our bodies did not evolve in these modern conditions, and these conditions have only been around for a tiny minority of the time our species has existed. Evolution is a very slow process. Even thousands of years are nothing for a species that has been evolving for millions.

That attraction remains a basic instinct has two vital consequences. First, males and females have become attracted to different, complementary qualities in each other. What females find sexy in males differs from what males find sexy in females. Second, none of us consciously decides what traits attract us sexually or who we are attracted to. Attraction is an emotion, not a conscious decision. These two simple facts are fundamental in understanding seduction, but they still elude many people in this world, in particular the unattractive and unsuccessful males and females who form the majority of the population. They are the ones you hear accuse males of being shallow for caring about females’ external looks and the ones who claim that females are more sophisticated because they look for inner qualities in males. They make these statements as if males and females are the same and could become attracted to the same qualities if only we would decide to do so.

It is true that the sexes have a lot in common, with perhaps even more similarities than differences overall, but the similarities are neither interesting nor useful to consider when it comes to seduction. The differences, however, are crucial. Failure to understand the differences might cause you to treat women as men or to adopt feminine traits yourself, and that is a recipe for disaster. Hence, the differences must be clear to you. How exactly do males and females differ? Get your copy of The Manual today and find out!


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2 Comments to “Attraction is an Emotion, Not a Conscious Decision”

  1. Dating Guides says:

    You’ve got great insights about Female – Male Atraction, keep up the good work!

  2. Great information. Lucky me I ran across your website by chance
    (stumbleupon). I’ve saved as a favorite for later!