Nice Guys Finish First
All women say they want a nice guy. Of course they do! No one in their right mind would say that they want to spend their time with someone who is not nice. Yet many women, especially the most attractive ones, enter relationships with men who appear not to be nice to them, while there are tons of males that seem really nice, and they always finish last when it comes to getting the girls. This superficial observation has led to the misconception that “nice guys finish last,” while a deeper and more accurate analysis would reveal that it is feminine, unconfident, uncharming, and irresponsible males who finish last. At the end of the day, the problem is not that “nice guys” are too nice; it is that they are not actually nice.
The classic definition of being nice is the so-called Golden Rule: Treat other people as you would like them to treat you. This is idiotic and makes no sense. To be nice, for real, means to treat other people as they want to be treated. That is my definition of being nice, and just like my definition of masculinity, confidence, and charm, it is a lot more effective and makes more sense because it is based in reality. Thus, to be nice to women means to understand what women want and give it to them.
This is not how “nice guys” treat women, however.
“Nice guys” tend to be “nice” to a woman by the classic definition because they want a woman to be “nice” back. They shower her with gifts, fix her car and computer, run her errands, drive her around, and allow her to stand them up without getting mad. They do favors for a woman because they think such behavior will encourage her to treat them the same way, as they believe that a woman’s company and sex with her is a favor that women are “nice” enough to do males. They are stuck in the traditional mindset of believing that sex is a one-way transaction that you can owe another person and that sex is something only males want.
This is not being nice, however; this is being naïve and misled.
“Nice guys” usually feel afraid of women and therefore hide their true romantic and sexual feelings for the woman they want, at least at first, and appear to be just like one of her girlfriends—someone to go shopping with and someone who listens to all their problems. Then when these guys finally have the courage to reveal their sexual interest in her, the woman will of course give them the famous line, “Let’s just be friends” since she thought that they were.
This is not being nice, however; this is being afraid and deceptive.
“Nice guys” also tend to listen to women’s complaints about the men women do date, lamenting that they are egotistical, insensitive, and not very romantic, for instance, but then draw the erroneous conclusion that women do not want these qualities in a romantic partner.
This is not being nice, however; this is being irrational and foolish.
A more effective and more rational strategy would be to listen to these women’s complaints and then adopt those traits, not avoid them. Sometimes you have to give women (and men) what they want by not giving them what they ask for.
Think of this issue in the same way many men with attractive girlfriends tend to complain about how their ladies spend so much time getting ready, applying makeup, and shopping for clothes, for instance. If a female who wanted to improve her attractiveness to such men took these complaints as a warning of what not to do, she would become a lot less successful than if she simply mimicked the behaviors that these sexy women display.
Sadly, women are not particularly good at helping asexual and emasculated males become less wimpy and girly by discouraging their unattractive manners. Instead, they will tell them what a “nice guy,” what a “good boy,” and what a “perfect gentleman” they are—while the same women are having sexual relationships with men who have few of these qualities, men who are often the complete opposite of how they describe their ideal partner.
This is not being nice, either; this is being unhelpful and cruel.