You Have to Be Shameless

You Have to Be Shameless

Shame is a painful emotion; it is when you feel bad about yourself as a person. However, it comes from a violation of cultural or social values, not from breaking your internal values or even external laws. It is one aspect of socialization that exists in all societies all over the world. It is used to repress all kinds of undesirable behavior and to preserve social cohesion in the community by rejecting members who deviate from the group until they agree to conform.

How easily you become ashamed and embarrassed is directly linked to your level of self-esteem, since shame is figuratively (and sometimes literally) about covering yourself. The higher your self-esteem is, the less embarrassed you allow yourself to be. You will only be embarrassed over something if you care more about what other people think of you than you think of yourself, especially if others discover something that you “ought to be ashamed of.” You would only care about that unwritten list of behaviors that are deemed socially unacceptable if your self-esteem is low to begin with because other people have passed this list on to you too. You were not born with it.

Children are not naturally embarrassed over anything. They run around naked outdoors if they feel like it, they will lie straight to their parents’ faces about who ate all the chocolate while their face is still covered with it, and they will take someone else’s toy in the sandbox without asking for permission and without worrying if someone sees them doing it. Children do not care about any of that, at least not until they have been told to be ashamed of themselves, to go into their room and feel bad for a while, to go to bed without dinner, and to promise never to do anything like that to upset their parents again.

Children are taught the basic rules of society this way (such as to not lie or steal), which is a good thing, but they are motivated to follow those rules because they will feel bad if they do not, rather than because not following them would cause social disruptions. Once we become adults, we understand the more complex reasons for having these rules, but the conditioned response of a strong uncomfortable emotion still prevails among many grownups.

Adults who tend to be easily embarrassed often rationalize that they are better people because of it, but you are not more respectable, polite, and well-mannered if you are easily ashamed. You are only more brainwashed, and that is the only thing that is truly embarrassing.

To get the girls you really want, to be able to look at them, talk to them, and touch them the way that is necessary to turn them on, you have to become shameless. Only if you are shameless will you be able to do whatever you want to do, whatever needs to be done, even if some people generally would avoid it and label it as embarrassing. If they want to make themselves feel bad, fine. Let them have it. Some people actually do feel embarrassed about what other people do; that is how strong the effects of social conditioning can be, but this only proves that some of our feelings have nothing to do with our own experience.

I plug my own book in every single post almost, not only because this is my site after all, or because I know The Manual is awesome and that anyone who finds the post they just read interesting will apprecite it too, but because I have no shame at all. In fact, I am very proud of the book as it was a gruesome personal project to complete, but most of all, I am proud of myself. But before I was, I never got the girls that I wanted, and you will not either as women are not attracted to males with low self-esteem.

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1 Comment to “You Have to Be Shameless”

  1. AMP says:

    I read your book and it changed my life forever, I have lost all inhibitions concerning women and other people in general.
    I am an investor/trader and it has actually made me a better trader as i am willing to be more bold in my actions. Success in trading requires counterintuitive thinking as well. I have changed my liscense plate to AUDACTY to reflect my new being.
    I have recommended the book to all my single friends and a few married ones as well.

    Wish I had been required to read this book when I was 17, it has certainly revived the current relationship I have with my girlfriend. I only use “I want” statements and never ask her opinion or where she want to go, EVER. I only express what I want to do and where i want to go, and she gladly complies. Yes she has that look in her eye again. Come to think of it, all women I come into contact with get that same look in their eyes…
    AMP age 64